


Beside you

by Rhaps0dic



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/confort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Some Cursing, Weed/Pot, henlo this is my first fic on ao3, i didn't proofread i wrote this at midnight last night, references of drug use, sappy boyfs in love, this was me projecting my emotions onto michael at midnight, whoop whoop it's Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 08:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11505558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhaps0dic/pseuds/Rhaps0dic
Summary: the title is kinda from a Marianas Trench song,,,





	Beside you

This evening was horrible. It was practically “Michael and the horrible, terrible, no good very bad day.” He chuckled dryly to himself and curled deeper into a ball on his couch. He let out a gentle sob, rubbing his hands over his face to wipe tears away.  
Michael knew he was having a panic attack, and he could do nothing to stop it.  
Michael didn't want to be a burden. If anything, he didn't want to exist. He didn't want to bug Jeremy by calling him at, what was it, three in the morning? Some part of him knew that Jeremy wouldn't be bothered, they were dating and every time Jeremy had nightmares, Michael busted ass to get over there and sleep with him, but he didn't want to wake Jeremy up. The boy needed all the rest he could get. 

He just wanted everything to stop for a while, for the world to stop spinning and just pause, so he could have a moment of peace and quiet, but that was impossible.  
Michael drew in a shaky breath, wishing he had something to smoke, but his dealer was out of town and he had ran out. Pot calmed him down, it wasn't a good habit at all, but really who was to comment on it. No one at school cares about him, damn even his own parents hardly notice he's there, nevertheless when he sneaks out to walk around at night.  
All Michael wanted was to be still for a while. For his hands to stop shaking, for him to stop bouncing his leg, for the anxiety to stop pouring like water through a broken flood gate.  
He could feel his heart pounding, his breathing quicken, and the hot itchy feeling that came over your face when you were going to cry your eyes out  
A breeze blew through the open basement window, and Michael tried to take a deep breath.  
“Maybe… Maybe a walk will help.”  
He grabbed his sweater off a chair and walked up the stairs and out the back door, which no one bothered to lock. 

Cold autumn air mixed with hot breaths, pushing steam through the air, tinged orange from the glowing streetlights. The only sounds were his footsteps and shallow breaths, and the trees rustling in the wind. For a second, he wished he had a scarf. Michael kept walking as he pulled his hood up, and rubbed his hand over the chain necklace Jeremy had given him for their one month anniversary.  
It was a cute couples necklace, half a pixelated heart that said Player One on it. Michael smiled softly, losing track of where he was walking until he saw the bridge that went over the only river.  
He made sure that his phone was good in his pocket, before jumping up onto the thick stone railing border and letting his feet dangle over the water. 

A quiet dial tone rang through the silence, and Michael paused, and looked at his pocket in confusion before taking it out. The bright screen illuminated the dark night.  
Player Two is calling  
“Jeremy..?” Michael mumbled, before sliding to answer. “Hey,”  
“Hey Michael, what's up?”  
“Uh, nothing really.”  
“Same, I couldn't sleep. Uh… One sec I think my phone is messed up, it sounds like rushing water.”  
Michael paused, glancing down at the river below him, realizing how the roaring water could sound like shitty cell reception.  
“Oh, no that's just me.”  
“What?”  
“I'm,” He paused, “at the river.”  
“Oh, you okay?”  
“... Honest answer, or the answer I’m going to give you?”  
“Honest answer Mikey,”  
“I’m horrible.”  
“I’m gonna come get you, you can stay with me tonight if you’d like.”  
“Wha- What? No, you don't, don't have to. It's okay, don't worry, I- I’m fine.”  
“Michael, you're stuttering dear, deep breaths, I’ll be there soon. Don't worry it's okay.” Jeremy sounded so reassuring and calm, Michael actually thought that things would be okay. He thought it would be okay. 

Boy was he wrong. 

The second he hung up with Jeremy, the anxiety started creeping back in, like a cloud of smoke around him. Every time he heard a car pass by, which was rarely considering how late, or early it was, he panicked and leaned forward and teetered over the edge of the bridge. 

Michael whipped his head around at the sound of another car coming fast down the bridge, was it Jeremy? The car honked, most likely startled by seeing a teenager on a bridge that went across a freeway at three thirty in the morning. He jumped in fright and almost slid off the edge of the bridge.  
Almost.  
He clung desperately to the side of the barrier that faced the road and tried his hardest to pull himself back without falling completely off. Because man, if he did fall, it would hurt like a mother fuck. 

“Michael!” Jeremy shouted, parking on the gravel section on one side of the bridge, and running towards him, kinda like a scene from a cute romance movie.  
It would've been romantic if the other boy wasn't teetering on the edge of a fairly tall bridge, stuck in his own head full of panic.  
“Michael are you alright?”  
“Michael, look at me honey. Mikey-” Jeremy’s voice was laced with anxiety, and the tone he used snapped his boyfriend back to reality.  
“I… I’m okay Jer. Just another couple panic attacks.” Michael turned himself so he was able to stand on the sidewalk, looking down at his feet. “You didn't have to come, really it’s-”  
“No, you need someone to be with right now, I’m not letting you deal with this alone. You always help with my nightmares so I’m gonna try my damn hardest to help with this.” He was careful to use a gentle tone, slowly hugging Michael and once he knew it was okay, squeezing him as tightly as he could. “Let's go home, mkay?”  
Michael nodded, gripping the back of Jeremy’s shirt. 

 

The two boys settled into old routine, Michael stole a pair of Jeremy’s sweatpants and took off his hoodie, showing an old worn Nintendo shirt that he had gotten ages ago.  
He fired a text to his mom, saying that he was staying over with Jeremy, and would be back later in the day, after the two of them slept for a long time.  
Jeremy rolled to the side to let Michael climb next to him, and wrapped his arms around the other boy when he did.  
“Glasses,”  
“Right.” Michael replied, taking off his glasses and putting them on the small table next to the bed.  
“Michael?”  
“Hm?”  
“I love you, and I’ll always be beside you, no matter what. I’m not breaking that promise again.”  
“I love you too Jeremy."


End file.
